I have created my world

Enough of that mourning thing. Sorry, I didn't mean to be gone so long.

ANYWAY. . ."I have created my world". This one may come out jumbled and not well thought out but here goes anyway. I had a gift certificate for a facial & massage at a salon in the Galleria area. As I sat waiting for my appointment I watched people come and go. They were all much better dressed than I and probably in a higher economic bracket than I. I watched my discomfort and realized I had created this world, a world where people are not equal. Some people are more "special" than others. Some are wealthier, some are smarter and/or better educated, some are prettier, some are more stable, some are more talented, some are kinder, some are more loving, some are better parents, some are better spouses/partners, some are more religous, some are more spiritual. Whatever the differences, I make judgements and assign value accordingly. Sometimes I put myself in the more catagory and sometimes in the less catagory, thus driving my emotional roller coaster.

This is not a very pretty world I have created, so I think I will trade it in for the world God created. I will release my judgements and illusions of seperation and remember we are all one. It may not be easy and it may not happen today, but it is closer everyday now. Every day I make a new decision. Every day I stay in the emotion of love instead of fear, I move closer to God's world. I have never felt better.

I realized many years ago that the trouble in the world was caused by our constant division of people into groups of "us and them". Whatever the grouping, the seperation is the problem, but I didn't have the means to go any further with it until I "really" began to study A Course In Miracles this year. What divisions do you make in your life? Which ones make you happy and which ones make you sad?

Mourning

I am not very good at staying current with my grief. I am very good at filing it away somewhere to be processed at a later date. This ability can be an asset when I am faced with a crisis and I have to function even though my heart is breaking, but it becomes a liability when I just file away my emotions because they are inconvenient or embarassing. They have a way of popping up again and again until I get the message and address the problem.

It has been brought to my attention that I may have been doing this is regards to Jimmy living so far away and maybe this is why I have been sick so much lately. Ummmm could be I suppose. . . Yeah, I know. So here goes.

This is not how I want it to be. I want to see Jimmy every week, see every milestone as he makes it, hear every new word he says, hold him and kiss him any time I want to. I want him to know who I am and that I am as important to his world, as he is to mine. I want his eyes to light up with recognition when he sees me. I want him to look for me when he needs comforting.
When I was starting my family, I wanted to live near my mother and mother-in-law so that my children would have a close relationship to them. This was something I never had with my grandparents. I had that for several years and I really enjoyed it. Now, it is how I want it to be with my grandchildren. I know in my heart that is not likely, as 2 of my children live away from us now and the others could move at any time, but it is still how I want it to be. So the current situation is connected to my Mother in some way, and I still miss her also.

Sometimes we mourn people and things we have lost through death or divorce or relocation, and sometimes we mourn the things we never really had at all. When my friends divorced there was the mourning for the loss of the marriage and family they had created, and then later there was mourning for the marriage and family they "thought" they would have but never really did. Sometimes it's the loss of our "pictures", (our ideas of how we want it to be) that is making us sad. So I am no longer filing away my sadness that my situation doesn't fit my picture. This is not how I want it to be and yet it is my current reality. It's ok to be sad about that. I am trying to learn. . .I am trying!

He's fine

Jim had his surgery this morning and everything went well and we are home. He's medicated for pain and a little irritated at his dependency but otherwise fine. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers etc. You know I'm a believer!!

I have another freaking cold. . .I can't imagine. I've been sick more in the last month than the whole last year. Enough whining. We're fine.

I am not my body

I have a body, but I am not my body. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. What is the I having all these experiences? I am spirit. Spirit who has a body with thoughts and emotions. Try living from that perspective for five minutes. :) I keep trying!!!

Another "good" thing

This is from Totaly Unique Thoughts today


Verily, if "they" are in your life, you have something to gain.
Besides their absence, Linda.
The Universe

VERY good!!!

Daily Om

Today's DailyOM



May 16, 2006Set Yourself FreeLetting Go Of Perfection
It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead. This doesn't mean that we don't strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection-especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness. In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood-an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else's approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself. Want more DailyOM?

I liked this for so many reasons so I decided to share. :)

Catching up

Well. . .there is a lot so in no particular order of importance, just what pops into my conscious stream of thought
Jim has to have surgery to repair a torn tendon in his arm this Thursday. Surgery is simple but the recovery is 4 to 6 MONTHS. It is very important that his arm heals well or he could lose most of the use of his arm forever, so please hold him in the light, pray for him or just send good thoughts his way. I believe in the power of the collective consciousness, however you access it.

We had a really good time in Arizona, but they are having a drought and need rain badly!!

We had McKenna's first birthday party on the new deck that Jim built. It was a great party thanks to her parents, who did everything. I was in a benedryl induced haze (another story). Aunt Becky made another amazing DVD of her year of firsts and presented me with my copy of both her's and Jimmy's DVDs. They still make me cry. She is the most amazing child. Really!!! She is walking and talking and busy as she can be. When she is in the room I can't take my eyes off her, which is a good thing because she is everywhere and checking out everything all the time, and we love her so.

I am having a very strange few weeks. Illness, fall, burn, allergy reaction. Apparently it takes a lot to get my attention. I think this is about really moving to a different relationship with my body. . . ergo, I am not my body, my body is just the costume I chose to wear for this particular adventure. It has served me well, but I AM NOT MY BODY!!!!! And if I am not my body, what am I? Interesting questions. I am looking to A Course In Miracles for some answers. I do love that course. :)

Oh my, I hope that's all